Sunday, 28 October 2012
Bosch Private Collection TWK6831
The man nervously gripped the lamp in his tired hands, clammy with anticipation. This mystical device had been the talk of travellers and archaeologists across the globe for many, many centuries, and after a long embattled and ferocious 8-year expedition, here he was at long last. The sole occupant of the world's long lost final magic lamp, unfound for many years deep within the unforgiving climes and intimidating mountains of Nepal.
With bated breath, the man gave the lamp a vigorous clean. An ominous smoke began to emanate from the spout of the fabled object, initially formless, but gradually it came to take on a more human shape.
"Salutations, brave mortal!" boomed the apparition's voice. "As the first being in centuries to discover me and release me from the infernal lamp, I offer you my sincerest gratitude by granting you but three wishes."
"Three wishes!" the man uttered, still lost in his own sea of amazement and wonder. His imagination spilled over with the many incredible possibilities this revelation yielded. The apparition kept patiently for several minutes until the man finally set eyes upon him once more, with a decision reached.
"I wish for a Bosch Private Collection TWK6831!" the man exclaimed. The apparition seemed taken aback by the enormity of the man's request.
"A Bosch Private Collection TWK6831?" he questioned. "You mean, the device with the coveted 3.1kW power rating that allows for a superior rapid boil function?"
"Indeed," the man replied. "With time often of the essence these days, I fear there is little time to lose for one's beverage to be brought to the boil." He paused, and gazed wistfully into the air. "I must say, though, its sleek, stainless steel finish is... most divine."
"It is very much a thing of untold beauty." the apparition agreed. "Yet there is so much more to the piece than superficial expertise. A base that allows for safe position in any direction, a concealed element, furthermore a removable limescale filter within its voluptuous lip."
"Not forgetting, the generous 1.7 litre capacity, o fabled one!" the man added, his voice starting to tremble with growing anticipation.
"But of course!" the apparition vociferated. "So much more space than that infernal lamp which has remained my prison for many long years. I dare say, I very much like the sound of this... 'TWK6831' which you so desire." The apparition remained pensive for about half a minute, before indicating readiness with a swift motion of his hand.
"All right, you shall receive your first wish, but with a single condition." started the apparition. "You shall forever share with me your luxurious new chamber, as a habitat in which I may live and cessate for all eternity."
"You desire to live in it?" the man asked, concerned. "But what of the boiling water that surround you? The electrical current? Won't your new surroundings be too harsh for you to survive?"
"Ah!" grinned the apparition. "You seem to forget, I am not a tangible being. Such surroundings shall bear no ill effect to myself. Besides, it will bring me better health and wellbeing for certain. I've got terrible diarrhoea, you see."