Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Tesco Value JK12

It was twenty to three in the afternoon on Furlong Road, one beautifully sunny Equiday, where two residents of the sugar beet-en street were sharing a conversation.

"Hi, Whinnyfred!" greeted his acquaintance Ascott.

"Afternoon, neigh-bour!" replied Whinnyfred cheerily. "How's the old mare today?"

"Well, let's just say the going's good to firm, if you know what I mean!" came the answer. "Listen, me old chestnut; I was trotting round to the shops in Distal Phalanx this morning, and bumped into our old mucker Parrotmouth!"

"Galloping geldings, haven't seen him since he was a foal!" spluttered Whinnyfred. "What's he up to, nowadays? Last I heard he bucked off to somewhere far-rier way."

"Aye," replied Ascott. "He cantered all the way down from Colt, and now he's knackered. He was really gaskin for air."

"Heh, just as long as he doesn't stirrup trouble." exclaimed Whinnyfred. "Make sure you fetlock your doors and gaits at night to be on the safe side!"

Ascott gave a knowing grin. "Lame! Anyway, I'm chomping at the bit to tell you what I finally got delivered in the winning post today!"

"Ah! Is it those new irons you ordered?" inquired Whinnyfred.

"Better than that, my new kettle finally turned up!" told Ascott. "A Tesco Value JK12, to be precise. Only a cheap one, I know, but you have to start somewhere."

"Ah yeah, that cheap plastic contraption you were on about before." groaned Whinnyfred. "You know, it's funny how the fine folk at Tesco are so eager to point out that it's 'not hazardous material'. It's as if they're hiding something."

"Well with such a basic model as this it's difficult to see what they're hiding, if anything." Ascott continued. "1.7 litre capacity, limescale filter, water level indicator. And that's it really. Jocky told me it has a reasonable boil time, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"I'd say take care mate," started Whinnyfred. "I've heard a few horror stories over time. The lid's prone to the odd leak here and there, quite a number of burnt hands. You don't wanna be getting shorter now, do yer?"

"Brrrr! Sounds a bit worrying." said a concerned Ascott.

"Too right, you can never trust these cheap kettles." answered Whinnyfred. "Furthermore, it's probably only gonna be good for a few months' running. Maybe six if you're lucky. I'd say it's odds-on to be a faller."

"Hmmmm. Perhaps you're right." stated a pensive Ascott. "Suppose a basic level of quality's what you should expect from these own-brand appliances. I'll take it in stride and see how things go, but maybe I'll stick to food shopping from there from now on!"

"Haha, a stable choice!" agreed Whinnyfred. "Anyway, that reminds me. Everything set for that barbeque you're doing tonight?"

"I've got all the groundwork in place, it should be a corker of an evening. A true nine to five favourite, even if I say so myself!" explained an amused Ascott. "There is one drawback though; I've been watching a load of rather shocking reports on the news this morning, and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to throw out the burgers."

"Really? That's a bit of a shame. What's happened?" asked Whinnyfred.

Ascott sighed wearily. "They went off. I accidentally left them out of the freezer while I was watching the news."

"Ah, cack."